Friday, 15 April 2016

Pirates and their Grannies 
Even pirates love their grannies
Or so we’ve often heard
Though they make them walk the plank
Now surely that’s absurd. 
I heard of one young pirate
Jim Lad was his name
Saw his granny with an eyepatch
Thought he’d do the same. 
One day, it was a Thursday
A granny found a map
Blackbeard said “just let me see”
And sat down on her lap 
Well, he was really comfy
‘cos he was only small
But later on when he was big
He wasn’t nice at all 
One night he stole the ancient map
And hid it up his jumper
He tried to look all meek and mild
He thought that that would stump her 
Meanwhile Jim Lad with his patch
Was copied by the others
And very soon across the seas
They’re known as Eyepatch Brothers 
But granny wasn’t having that
And said “enough’s enough;
It was my fashion statement”
And went off in a huff! 
She went and found some glitter
From the treasure chest
And stuck it on her black eyepatch
She knew she looked the best. 
Much later there was Adam Ant
And he stole her idea
But she was innovative
Our granny had no fear. 
Now Blackbeard wasn’t very bright
He was all mouth and trousers
But granny she was clever
Yes granny she was wowzers! 
Now where were we arrgh oo-arrrh
Oh yes the map was taken
But granny had a cutlass up her vest
She’s stirred but never shaken! 
Jim Lad come on over here
We need to find that treasure
You keep an eye on Blackbeard
When he’s snoring at his leisure 
And Jim Lad wasn’t stupid
He knew which side his bread was buttered
Thought he’d do what granny said
Although the bunk was cluttered. 
He crawled along, ignored the snores
And fumbled round his belly
He found the map amongst the mess
It was all torn and smelly 
Jim Lad, granny and some mates
They found the hidden chest
Full of diamonds, gold coins and such
Blackbeard could have the rest 
And in the raving 60’s
She set up her boutique
And called it Granny’s Attic
With glitter, bling, so chic 
All the pirates went there
Got the latest gear
Eye-patches, striped tops, bandanas
They came from far and near! 
So don’t underestimate your granny
She may look meek and mild
But just beware appearances
Inside she’s purple, fearless, wild!