Pirates and their Grannies 

Even pirates love their grannies

Or so we’ve often heard

Though they make them walk the plank

Now surely that’s absurd. 

I heard of one young pirate

Jim Lad was his name

Saw his granny with an eyepatch

Thought he’d do the same. 

One day, it was a Thursday

A granny found a map

Blackbeard said “just let me see”

And sat down on her lap 

Well, he was really comfy

‘cos he was only small

But later on when he was big

He wasn’t nice at all 

One night he stole the ancient map

And hid it up his jumper

He tried to look all meek and mild

He thought that that would stump her 

Meanwhile Jim Lad with his patch

Was copied by the others

And very soon across the seas

They’re known as Eyepatch Brothers 

But granny wasn’t having that

And said “enough’s enough;

It was my fashion statement”

And went off in a huff! 

She went and found some glitter

From the treasure chest

And stuck it on her black eyepatch

She knew she looked the best. 

Much later there was Adam Ant

And he stole her idea

But she was innovative

Our granny had no fear. 

Now Blackbeard wasn’t very bright

He was all mouth and trousers

But granny she was clever

Yes granny she was wowzers! 

Now where were we arrgh oo-arrrh

Oh yes the map was taken

But granny had a cutlass up her vest

She’s stirred but never shaken! 

Jim Lad come on over here

We need to find that treasure

You keep an eye on Blackbeard

When he’s snoring at his leisure 

And Jim Lad wasn’t stupid

He knew which side his bread was buttered

Thought he’d do what granny said

Although the bunk was cluttered. 

He crawled along, ignored the snores

And fumbled round his belly

He found the map amongst the mess

It was all torn and smelly 

Jim Lad, granny and some mates

They found the hidden chest

Full of diamonds, gold coins and such

Blackbeard could have the rest 

And in the raving 60’s

She set up her boutique

And called it Granny’s Attic

With glitter, bling, so chic 

All the pirates went there

Got the latest gear

Eye-patches, striped tops, bandanas

They came from far and near! 

So don’t underestimate your granny

She may look meek and mild

But just beware appearances

Inside she’s purple, fearless, wild!